The trap of fixing

You do not need to be fixed. You are not a problem to be solved. You need to be loved, seen, cared for exactly as you are now.

Instead of desperately trying to feel "ok" by all the various coping strategies, apply love, presence and grace to not feeling ok. Essentially, be ok not feeling ok.

God's love and kindness leads to repentance, turning from patterns of self-condemnation, shame, people pleasing, worry and toxic guilt.

Gods love vs self love

Instead of trying to love yourself more, turn to the Living God that loves you with an agape love, a love beyond any human love.

Allow His faithful, unchanging, everlasting  great Love to fill your heart, mind and soul. Rest in it and let it heal you. Let it make you well.

Lay down all attempts to earn, prove or justify your loveability.

Surrender any fear, resistance or guarding you have against His Love.

The Lords love for you is uncaused by you, and it’s unchanged by what you do or don’t do.

When you understand this, the need for self love completely dissolves

Hard to love

When the body is stuck in a protective state (threat) due to old trauma, it’s impossible to feel love, joy, hope - as it’s a biological state of the nervous system that’s goal is survival, not social engagement or authentic connection/intimacy. The physiology is one of being under threat/danger.

The felt sense of love, hope, joy, thanksgiving requires being in a state of safety neurobiologically.

Our bodies can’t experience positive emotions when under perceived threat. When our body is in threat physiologically, there is no capacity to connect with others, be present and open with others, no desire to know others or be in a surrendered state of worship.

All of this is happening in the body, driven by the autonomic nervous system.